COPING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT
Aleksandria Perez Grabow, Ph.D., CSU San Marcos,
Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology
The pandemic has forced many to change or cancel plans, like graduations, vacations and weddings. How might people respond to those changes?
Given the lack of precedence of our current situation, it’s fair to say that students, staff and faculty alike are experiencing disappointment from the many plan changes and concern for the unknowns in the future. It might seem strange to identify grief as something we’re experiencing, but it’s normal and natural to be feeling and experiencing the grieving process and related stages and emotions—shock, denial, anger, guilt, sadness, to name a few.
Are there ways people can deal with any resulting negative emotions?
For many, it’s important to acknowledge and validate these mental and emotional struggles to be able to move into a place of acceptance, hope and action. On the other hand, an interesting aspect of the current situation is that, on a global level, we are all affected by the pandemic, so to an extent we are sharing this collective experience, struggle or trauma. It can be helpful for people to see and know they are not alone in their struggles and disappointments.
Can keeping a positive attitude be helpful?
Depending on people’s situations, I think there’s a balance we can find between positive reframing and validation of our current struggles. When we experience negative thoughts and emotions related to our current situation, we can certainly try to think about ways in which the pandemic may have also allowed us to do things we may not give ourselves permission to do on an otherwise normal basis: spend more time with the family and pets we reside with, take a break from our fast-paced living style, practice gratitude for the small things we do have. However, for folks who may have experienced more serious consequences related to the pandemic—financial struggles, less-than-ideal or harmful quarantine living situations, triggered mental health concerns, loss of a loved one, etc.—positive reframing may feel invalidating. In these situations, we can allow ourselves to experience, express and move through these negative emotions (through talking, writing, art, movement, crying). Overall, I think all of us can benefit from finding a healthy way to soothe and express ourselves. This could look like reaching out for support, seeking professional help and practicing self-soothing, sensory and mindfulness exercises.