The day will be one of pride, and probably a little pain, for Bob and Mary Beth Pascale, but they've done everything they can to prepare.

On Sept. 22, the Marin County couple will deliver their only child -- daughter Coco -- to the University of California, Davis. They checked out the campus, took a quickie class on adjusting to the "empty nest," quizzed Davis officials about safety and academic demands, and reassured Coco she can always come home.

Still, shipping their child to college is rough.

"I'm kind of pretending she's going to camp," said Mary Beth Pascale.

But instead of dropping Coco at the dormitory curb and hoping for the best, the Pascales and many parents like them are likely to follow their kids into the lecture halls. Parents are making decisions about majors, course selection and roommate conflicts.

"We can't help it," said Karen Gaffney, a Bay Area teacher and mother of two who is helping her daughter choose between California State University, Sacramento, and San Diego State University. "We are just so much more involved in our kids' lives than our parents ever were. You can't just cut that off when it's time for them to go to college."

College officials say it's a growing trend they are responding to with Web sites and e-mail newsletters tailored especially for parents demanding to be kept in the campus loop. Some private universities, such as Harvard, make parents associate members of the campus alumni association, and many schools, such as the University of California, Berkeley, have set up e-mail and telephone hotlines for parents.

At UC Davis, a monthly e-mail newsletter for families of freshmen, launched last year, has drawn more than 2,000 subscribers -- representing 25 percent of the freshman class.

The trend shows up on campuses, too, where parents have packed tours and freshman-orientation sessions in the weeks leading up to the new school year.

At Davis, for instance, parent attendance at freshman orientation this summer was up 20 percent over last year -- to 2,000 from 1,600, said Dennis Beardsley, director of advising services.

Parents ask the most provocative questions, said Alison Vanderbrug, a Davis senior who is a summer adviser to freshmen and their parents.

"Nothing is off-limits and they want lots of detail," Vanderbrug said. "A lot of them want to know about academics, but the dads tend to ask the questions about drinking and sex."

Bob Pascale was one of them.

"I asked the security questions," he said. "I'm worried about protecting my girl, about drugs being put in punch at a party, things that I know are completely out of my control. This campus looks nice and safe, but if I had my way, it would be flooded with undercover cops."

Eighteen-year-old Coco, who will major in cell biology, doesn't mind her parents' involvement and likes knowing she has a refuge at home.

"I have a close relationship with my parents and I think it will extend into college," she said. "I'm sure I'll be on the phone with them a lot in the beginning, but eventually I might just call when I need them and not just to say 'Hi.' "

More and more, though, parents are as nervous about graduation requirements and academic rigors as they are about the social perils of college. At Davis, academic questions were dominating parent orientation so much that campus officials this year created a special session on the issue, Beardsley said.

University administrators trace rising parental involvement -- many parents are highly educated and professional -- to feelings that they can steer children through the complexities of college because they've been through it themselves. Parents now also are more likely to have been steeped in planning their children's lives from an early age and find it hard to break that pattern when the college freshman year arrives.

"Because it's so competitive to get into the University of California and other colleges, the expense is very great and parents have been partners with their children for many years, it's harder for them to pull away until their sons and daughters have been well-launched," said Yvonne Marsh, vice chancellor of student affairs at UC Davis.

Gaffney recognizes the tendency in herself. Her parents, she said, offered little advice during her college years. She and her husband, Michael, are trying to strike a balance between being too heavy-handed and too hands-off as their daughter, Caitlin, chooses between Sacramento State and San Diego State.

Caitlin, who knows her mother's preference is Sac State, doesn't feel pressure one way or the other.

"They are letting me know what they like, and that's good," she said. "But the decision is going to be mine and they will respect it."

Gaffney, though, is happy that Sac State appears to have one important edge over San Diego State -- Caitlin, who rows crew, loves the school's rowing team and the practice facilities at Lake Natoma.

Plus, it's just an hour and a half from home.